when i think about being a little kid again it breaks my heart because i’ll never be as happy and innocent as i was then. even if i somehow end up happy again someday, i’ll always know what it’s like to experience true sadness and those kinds of thoughts never really leave your mind.
a lot of times i think that you think i don’t really know what it feels like to be depressed, or i’m just whining or being stupid or something. i don’t like to tell you how i’m feeling because you never respond or if you do you just relate it back to how hard it is to be you. i listen to your problems all the time, not that i’m complaining i want you to tell me them because i love you and i’m worried about you, but you’re not the only one who’s unhappy. i don’t need you to fix my problems or give me fake sympathy, just a hug or cuddle or something to show me you’re actually there for me would be nice.
if you're conscious you must be depressed.: i don’t know if i would say everything sucks worse than before just...
i don’t know if i would say everything sucks worse than before just because you’re not with me, because that’s not it at all. all that i know is that everything was a lot more bearable when you were with me and i know for sure now that it’ll never be that way again because i don’t even think i…
so here’s the official diagnosis for someone with major depressive disorder
i bolded the symptoms that i have really bad, and italicized the ones i kind of have
A. Emotional symptoms:
- feelings of sadness, hoplessness, and guilt
- emotionally disconnected from other people
B. Behavioral symptoms:
- dejected, unsmiling, or downcast demeanor
- slowed movements and speech
- tearfulness and spontaneous crying
- loss of interest or pleasure in one’s usual activities
C. Cognitive symptoms:
- difficulty thinking/concentrating/remembering
- pessimism and negativity
- suicidal thoughts or frequently thinking about death
D. Physical symptoms:
- changes in appetite, weight gain OR weight loss
- sleep disturbances (such as insomnia, oversleeping, early waking)
- constipation
- vague aches and pains
- loss of energy OR restless, fidgety activity
what freaks me out is that you only need 5 of these symptoms to get a diagnosis, and i have at least 9 not considering the ones that i kinda have. if you include those i have 13. and the symptoms only have to be present for two weeks. this has been going on for at least 2 years, and even before that i kinda was depressed i just wouldn’t say it was nearly this bad so it doesn’t count.
at least i don’t have constipation lol
if we make this official, if you really give up on me and us, i’m going to hate you. why? because you left me when i needed you most and you can’t just move past something like that. it breaks the most beautiful aspect of love which comes from the trust that you will always be there for one another no matter what. i understand you were just doing what you thought was best for you, but understand me for hating that choice.
the hardest part about losing you is it’s not the same as it was with other guys, this wasn’t just a high school relationship. i can’t just blow it off and say ” it doesn’t matter anyways because you’re just some other guy” because you’re not just some other guy i really truly was head over heels in love with you. and there will always be the slight doubt in my mind that nags me to never let you go, just keep trying. “he really could be the one” it says.
"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."
- Catherine, “Wuthering Heights”"Be with me always, take any form, drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss where I cannot find you! Oh God! It is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!"
- Heathcliff, “Wuthering Heights”THEME BY: ©HELOÍSA TEIXEIRA
BASE BY: ©YAM16
